Despite the row that
pitted the teachers’ unions Kuppet against Knut over last year’s KCPE and KCSE
marking, this important national duty eventually took place as scheduled.
And away from the public
glare, scores of markers exchanged notes on nearly everything: their working
conditions, school heads, politics, families and so on. But since all work and
no play makes Jack a dull boy, the “After 4.30 pm” activities the markers
engage in provide a welcome commercial break from the daily talk in many
staffrooms.
Since scores of these
markers were classmates in college in their heady days, there is a lot of
catching up to do. Even with strict pep talks by the centre principals warning
teachers about local crime gangs and other ills, curious markers still venture
out to discover the nearest towns and what the nightlife has to offer. But it
is the old flames from one’s former college, school and county that easily
rekindle passion.
‘In-house romance’ tops
the list of ‘extracurricular’ activities that take centre stage at exams
marking centres and which everybody pretends not to see. Jamal has seen some of
his colleagues literary pitch tent at the houses of local women during the
marking exercise in various parts of the country.
“In fact, centre
organisers in parts of Nyanza, western and eastern routinely warn markers
before they begin marking. They always warn them against local women who they
say are very feisty and crafty in trapping male visitors,” says Jamal.
“But these warnings appear
to produce the opposite effect — curiosity to sample local ‘goods’,” adds
Jamal.
“So some philandering
chaps mark out their territories where they frequently visit for a near-homely
life for the duration of the marking,” says Jamal.
He further reveals that besides
venturing out of those marking centres, some married teachers with greedy
fascinations for the forbidden fruit throw caution to the wind and form
short-term relationships.
He says one only needs to
visit these marking centres at night; some of the activities can put Sodom and
Gomorrah to shame.
“A night visit to these places can really
shock you. The playing grounds and dark alleys are always littered with
silhouettes of teachers in pairs. And they are always either lazily strolling
around, ‘exchanging saliva’ and, in some cases, unashamedly engaging in
‘gland-to-gland’ combats,” reveals Jamal, as he lightly taps on the table
dismissively, adding that “these things are normal, we are used to them”.
He further wonders: “After
the noble exercise of marking exams and you expect to be paid peanuts, is there
any cheap and better leisurely activity a teacher can engage in to reward his
tired bones and flesh for the hard work?”
He reveals that last year,
an overzealous watchman caught two of his colleagues in the act in a dark
corner.
And after refusing to part
with ‘something small’, the watchman forwarded the matter to their bosses. The
senior examiners convened a meeting over the matter the following morning and
both were sent away!
“The shocking detail is
that both sinners are in stable marriages back home, and yet could not be
discreet enough,” says Jamal.
He also observes that
Kiswahili and English teachers are talkative to a fault. They make friends
easily. Consequently, they throw caution to the wind and display a fatalistic
streak when they invade local pubs.
“Language teachers are not
as circumspect as physics ones, most are wild, take risks and easily mingle
with the local people,” says Jamal. It is this capacity that enabled Jamal’s
friend to “discover” a local town in a spectacular way in Kiambu County where
they have been marking.
“This man who comes from
the coast disregarded the wise counsel of the centre organiser and went out
alone one evening. The charmed marker visited the seedier part of town, talked
his way into an instant acquaintance with a twilight lady. Unfortunately, that
is how his goose was cooked.
He woke up the following
morning only to find himself fish-naked in a cheap lodging! He had been cleaned
of his clothes and personal effects, courtesy of his catch spiking his drink
with mchele (drug). He had to endure the embarrassment of walking nude back to
the marking centre, and a harambee was conducted to raise his fare back home,”
says Jamal.
Kamau, who has been
marking mathematics for last 10 years, says that at every marking centre, there
are some constant people and groups that spice up the marking and help kill
boredom and monotony.
Before the advent of
mobile phone money transfer technology, there were teachers selling phone
recharge cards for all networks to make a quick buck. But nowadays, such
entrepreneurs sell credit through the phone money transfer services.
“Before the Kenya National Examinations Council (KNEC) refined its method
of reimbursing teachers fares according to zones, we would be required to
produce bus and hotel receipts and this was big business,” says Kamau.
“Some cunning teachers
would print and sell receipts bearing names of hotels from Kenya’s major towns
and new bus names purporting to ply all routes,” says Kamau. And before the
advent of smart phones with cameras, some teachers with shrewd business minds
would moonlight as photographers.
According to Kamau, at
every marking centre, smokers quickly establish a clandestine corner for their
activity and also a supply chain. Sports fanatics also seek each other out and
make teams to burn their stress away after 4.30 pm. Religious faithful rent the
air with early Christmas carols.
Adulterers and
adulteresses also seek each other out by an unspoken language and begin their
antics and those who take beer congregate on the first day and seek ways of
fulfilling their pastime!
Despite the shocking ways
most of these teachers come together and socialise, Kamau says, serious things,
too, take place. For instance, after or during their bonding, they sell each
other plots, cars, and property.
Albert, a history paper
examiner, supports Kamau’s assertions and adds that nowadays most marking
centres convert one room into a pub for the duration of the exercise to reduce
what he calls “teachers’ staggering distance.” But there are a few centres that
follow strict religious principles and never accommodate beer-taking markers,
forcing them to paint local towns and markets red.
Albert adds that many
markers stray to drink out of their centres due to the variety of brands
available outside. “Often, sellers of contraband brews like chang’aa,
busaa, Uganda’s waragi and coffee wine establish supply routes and drinking
dens to marking centres, especially in western Kenya,” he says.
Notoriety
Shadrack, a married
examiner who has just returned home from one centre in Nakuru County, says that
the sisi kwa sisi (teacher-to-teacher) variety of notoriety took an ugly turn
as they neared the end of the
exercise.
The centre organiser had hired
scores of young women as casuals who would clean the dishes, lay out the meals
and provide catering services.
“This centre organiser had
warned them to keep a distance between themselves and the male markers,” says
Shadrack.
This law held for the better
part of the duration. But as human beings are known to be social, a little
teasing began from both directions, adds Shadrack.
“It began as a rumour that
some adventurous teacher had been spotted in compromising situations along the
hedges and fields with one of the cleaners,” says Shadrack.
This national school’s
library had been turned into a pub for the duration of the marking. Two hired
‘maids’ would run it in the evenings.
“In my full view one
evening, a home-sick marker engaged one of the maids in sweet talk and as the
night wore on, they became a little cosy,” says Shadrack.
“I went to sleep and left
them there. But in the morning the grapevine had it that the two ‘sinners’
actually consummated their little act there and then,” says Shadrack.
Diana, a science paper
examiner, laughs off all these accounts. “Sex scandals occur in marking
centres, university common rooms, judiciary, and the civil service, name it.
But then everybody is supposed to mind his or her own business so long as the
matters are beneath the radar,” she says.
She adds that after being
together for some time, exam markers, being human beings — stiff social and
official barriers weaken — are bound to form relationships. And that they
should not be judged harshly.
“That is why a drunkard
will be tolerated so long as he or she appears at the crucial daytime hours to
mark. What they do afterwards should not be such a big issue,” she says.
Diana wonders if teachers’
antics at marking centres are in any way out of the ordinary compared to the
national frequency of infidelity and other shenanigans Kenyans engage in.
CRAZY MONDAY
