Friday, July 10, 2015

It's Me! [Uhuru, Raila, Ababu, Mutua and Moses Kuria in a political]


Uhuru met with Raila Odinga. After facing enough problems running his government, he decided to ask him, "How did you run such an efficient government with Kibaki? Are there any tips you can give to me? I want to help this country Bwana Tinga, it’s burning!"

"Well," said Raila, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Uhuru frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

Raila replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." Raila pushed a button on his intercom. "Please send Ababu Namwamba in here, would you?"

Ababu Namwamba walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Excellency?"

Raila smiled and said, "Answer this riddle. Ababu, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a minute Ababu answered, "that would be me, Sir!"

"Yes, very good," said Raila.

Uhuru went back to his office to ask his trusted lieutenant Hon. Moses Kuria.

UHURU: Answer this. Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?

KURIA: "I'm not sure, let me get back to you."

He asked all his staff in the office but none could give him an answer. Finally, one day, Moses Kuria ran into Dr. Alfred Mutua. Moses Kuria asked, Mutua,

KURIA: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?" Alfred Mutua answered sharply, "That's easy, it’s me!" Kuria smiled, and said "Thanks!"

Then he went back to speak with President Uhuru.

KURIA: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Dr. Alfred Mutua!

Uhuru got angry, he said to Moses Kuria. "No wonder Kenya isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by enough Dummies like you! The answer is Ababu Namwamba!"

Shocking Story as Formatted Phone Info Retrieved Showing Wife Cheats on Pilot Husband With a Hairy Man...PICTURES...!!!

A woman who has allegedly been cheating on her pilot husband with a driving instructor, has gone to the police after her husband posted pictures of her love life online.

Jacklyn Bonareri reported her hubby of one year at the Bamburi Police Station on July 6, accusing him of spoiling her name on social media.

Eric Omune, 29, a pilot based in Saudi Arabia, posted pictures of his wife and her alleged lover on Facebook, igniting much talk on social media.

“I have a stupid wife. While I am away working hard in Saudi Arabia, she brings men to my house, into our matrimonial bed and sleeps with them. I send her money and she keeps saying she wants more. I give her money, which she gives to her married lover, so her lover is also supporting his wife and kids with my money.

The man she is supporting is older than me and quit his job because my wife could support him with my money,” complained Captain Omune on his Facebook page.

Jacklyn denied allegations that she was cheating since “the man in question is just a friend. In fact, there was a day I was so sick and he helped me,” she told The Nairobian.

“My husband is so insecure and this is not the first time he is accusing me of cheating,” added Jacklyn.

“He probably thinks he is inadequate and I might go to someone else, but that is not the truth. Anyway, if I make a mistake, will posting it on social media rectify anything?” she posed, adding that she’s done with the marriage. See also: 10 ways spouses hide clande names in phones

“When he resorts to childish things like posting such allegations on Facebook and even calling my father without even telling me, I don’t see this relationship heading anywhere. Even if he comes and apologises, I am not having him back,” stated Jacklyn.

Jacklyn’s hubby claims he learnt of his wife’s alleged affair after returning home two weeks ago.

“I even gave her a nice new phone. Those are the things you do when you love someone. You give them the best. So I started using her phone, which she had surprisingly formatted.”

After returning to Saudi Arabia, Omune reportedly used a software to recover items his wife had allegedly deleted from the phone. That’s when he allegedly stumbled on barrage of romantic text messages and pictures of his wife and the man.

Annoyed, he sent a message to his wife before calling her asking if she had been cheating on him, which she vehemently denied.

“She denied everything. I thought I was experiencing a bad dream and that the pictures and text messages were but an illusion. I hang up the phone and went through the process again, just in case I was accusing her unfairly. I soon released that I was dealing with a liar,” said Omune.

Omune added that, “She used to go to work in matatus, so I decided to buy her a car. I asked her to choose a model and I paid for it. I took her to a driving school and she soon started sleeping with the instructor. I bought her the car in April last year, that means she has been cheating on me for an entire year.” The heartbroken pilot has since allegedly undergone medical tests.

“We have been trying to get a baby and it seems another man has also been competing with me. Had I not stumbled on the incriminating pictures and texts, I would have continued funding another man’s lifestyle and probably raising his baby as he sleeps with my wife,” says Omune who claims he changed his wife’s lifestyle.

“She used to live in Bamburi, but I moved her to a house in Nyali. We got married officially last year in December after my parents came all the way from Western Kenya to see her parents. We met in 2011 when I was working with Qatar Airways in Doha. We met through a mutual friend and it was as they say, love at first sight, even though she was four years older than me. Now I hate marriage and women with passion,” said the distraught pilot.

He says he has now asked his wife to vacate the house and go back to her parents place.

“I spoke to my in-laws who were very shocked. They gave me the go-ahead to terminate the relationship because such betrayal is unforgivable. I am done with women. I just want to focus on my career as well as my car import business,” he added.

[Standard Media]


















Friday, January 16, 2015

Just a day to my wedding, her younger sister did it!!! Shocking story...

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord! Behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Paul, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. 
Welcome to the family my son..'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Mugabe finally fires his VP Joice Mujuru....!!!

It’s official! President Robert Mugabe has fired his deputy Joice Mujuru and eight ministers accused of being behind a plot to topple him from power.

The official list released Tuesday afternoon shows Mugabe has sacked eight ministers all linked to Mujuru.

Those fired include Presidential Affairs minister Didymus Mutasa who was also party secretary for administration, Labour minister Nicholas Goche, Indigenisation minister Francis Nhema, Higher and Tertiary Education minister Olivia Muchena, ICT minister Webster Shamu (Zanu PF political Commissar) and Mahonaland East Provincial Affairs minister Simbaneuta Mudarikwa.

Earlier reports said Mugabe fired Energy minister Dzikamai Mavhaire and his deputy Munacho Mutezo.

Mujuru received her dismissal letter on Monday night after weeks of accusations that she had led a “treacherous cabal” to try to unseat Mugabe.

Mujuru, in a press statement, on Tuesday blamed “a well-orchestrated smear campaign and gross abuse of state apparatus” that led to the loss of her ruling party post and shook Zimbabwean politics.

Mujuru, who once looked likely to succeed long-ruling Mugabe, has been accused of plotting to assassinate the 90-year-old and removed from the ruling ZANU-PF party’s central committee.

She said she was being victimised after exposing infiltrators conspiring to destroy the party, which has ruled the country since independence in 1980.

“I have become the fly in the web of lies whose final objective is the destruction of ZANU-PF and what it stands for and ultimately the present government,” Mujuru said in a statement.

“A vociferous attempt has been made to portray me as ‘a traitor’, ‘murderer’ and ‘sellout’, yet no iota of evidence has been produced to give credence to the allegations.”

ZANU-PF held an elective congress last week which endorsed Mugabe as president and his wife Grace as head of the women’s wing.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Shocker speech of President Robert Mugabe to the World....!!!

During one of the many International Conferences, Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe shocked the world when he stood up and gave a masterpiece speech to millions of watchers and listeners.

For the first time, the African Continent and all blacks across the globe stood firm with the Zimbabwean leader. After the death of strong man Gaddafi, Mugabe is now being considered to be the first elected President of the United States of Africa.

Below is an excerpt of the President's moving shocking speech.


1. Racism will never end as long as white cars are still using black tyres.

2. Racism will never end as long we still wash first white clothes, then other colours later.

3. Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolise bad luck and WHITE for peace!
4. Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to the funerals.
5. Racism will never end as long as those who don't pay their bills are blacklisted and not White listed. 

6. Even when playing the pool (snooker), you haven't won until you sink the black ball, and the white ball must remain on the field.

He finished by saying that he didn't care as long as he used WHITE toilet paper to wipe his black a*s!!!
The writer who is a white person is not amused though likes the humour that comes with it.

Men who sleep with more than 20 women have lower chances of getting prostate cancer- study...

A s the pink October comes to an end, a new study shows that men sleeping with more women have a lower chance of getting prostate cancer.

Prostate cancer accounts for 9.4 per cent of registered cancer cases in Kenya.

"Compared to men who have had only one partner during their lifetime, having sex with more than 20 women is associated with a 28 per cent lower risk of one day being diagnosed with prostate cancer," the findings obtained as part of the Montreal study PROtEuS (Prostate Cancer & Environment Study) show.

 Promiscuity among men further reduces their chances of contracting aggressive types of cancer by 19 per cent, the study suggests.

"It is possible that having many female sexual partners results in a higher frequency of ejaculations, whose protective effect against prostate cancer has been previously observed in cohort studies," Professor Marie-Elise Parent explained.

The report however showed that the case is not the same for gay men. A homosexual man having more than 20 partners increases his risk of getting prostate cancer two fold compared to a man who has never slept with another man.

A total of 3,208 men responded to a questionnaire on their sex lives and other topics. Of these men, 1,590 were diagnosed with prostate cancer between September 2005 and August 2009, while 1,618 men were part of the control group, ScienceDaily reported.

Marie-Elise Parent and Marie-Claude Rousseau, professors at University of Montreal's School of Public Health, and their colleague Andrea Spence, published their findings in the journal Cancer Epidemiology. 

Based on 2002 data from the Nairobi Cancer Registry, of all the cancers registered, breast cancer accounted for 23.3 per cent, cervical cancer for 20 per cent and prostate cancer for 9.4 per cent. 

In Kenya, cancer ranks third as a cause of death after infectious diseases and cardiovascular diseases. It causes 7 per cent of total national mortality every year.
The risk of getting cancer before the age of 75 years in the country is 14 per cent while the risk of dying of cancer is estimated at 12 per cent.

Multiple partners however has been blamed for the increase in HIV infections in the country.

Source: The Star Online 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Can your partner be with your phone for a day and things remain the same? Find out the Shocking Details...


One Friday morning, John woke up hurriedly and prepared for work. He worked in a busy institution and was expected early at work. His wife worked a distance from where her husband’s office was.

As a result of doing things in a hurry, John unknowingly, carried his wife's mobile phone leaving behind his own. After he had gone his wife Jane noticed the mix-up but it was too late for her to do anything
about it. She thought for a while and decided to carry her husband's phone in case he came back for it.

On arriving at his place of work John noticed that he had confused his wife's phone for his but decided not to go back for it. He sighed deeply because he knew his wife could access romantic messages
sent by his many mistresses. His wife too was disgusted because she had several toy boys. 

Drama began to unfold when John received an SMS intended for his wife sent by somebody saved as ‘Peter-Taxi’, which read, "Hi sweetie, ope yo monin’ is fine, 4 me am okay just mad! My love 4 you kills me. I couldn't stop dreaming about you even after we met last evening coz you hold the password to ma heart." John was shocked to see this and thought he understood why his wife had come home late the previous evening. He decided to stay mum to see what more would come.

After one hour he received another SMS from somebody saved as ‘Susan-Salon’ which read, “Monin darling, ope ur fine, am also fine but not so fine without seeing you next to me coz you control every part of ma heart. Nice day sweetie, see you at lunch.” The third SMS ticked in from somebody saved as ‘Winnie-Handbag's which read, "Monin ma beautiful queen, I wish you were a gum, I would chew you every time, you make me feel young like I was born yesterday, you without whom I would go on a hunger strike. Have a bright day ma dear."

John was deeply shocked by these messages but knew that on the other side his wife might be seeing drama too. Meanwhile, Jane had seen even more than her husband. She had received three messages from three women that clearly showed they were his mistresses. The first SMS was from a woman saved as ‘Ochieng-Car wash’ which read, “Hi deah how's ur monin? 4 me am okay with ur son here, he says he loves you so much n you should come n stay with us. gday."

Jane almost fainted on seeing this because she could not believe that her husband had a son outside marriage. Before her anger was over, she received a second SMS from' ‘Omosh-Kinyozi’ which read, “Monin ma deah, ope ur enjoyin ur day. Mine can't be complete without you. Every time I sleep in this house you bought 4 me I dream 2 love u always. The BM u  bought me is perfect on road. Thanks,
g’day.”

The last message came from ‘Karanja-Electrician’ and read, “Sasa honey? Ope u r fine. pls i am not happy wit u. u promised to send me money since last week,But i have not seen it. honey pls send me the 40k for the project. Hav a nice day, love you big.” Jane had found the answer to why her husband was always penniless!

When evening came John and Jane met at home. They could hardly talk but only stared at one another with suspicion. 

Then they called a third party to intervene, sincerely how would their problem be solved problem?

GADDAFFI’S LAST FORMAL SPEECH TO THE WORLD – VERY VERY SAD, MOVING!

In the name of Allah, the beneficent, the merciful
For 40 years, or was it longer, I can’t remember, I did all I could to give people houses, hospitals, schools, and when they were hungry, I gave them food. I even made Benghazi into farmland from the desert, I stood up to attacks from that cowboy Ronald Reagan, when he killed my adopted orphaned daughter, he was trying to kill me, instead he killed that poor innocent child. Then I helped my brothers and sisters from Africa with money for the African Union.
I did all I could to help people Understand the concept of real democracy, where people’s committees ran our country. But that was never enough, as some told me, even people who had 10 room homes, new suits and furniture, were never satisfied, as selfish as they were they wanted more. They told Americans and other visitors, that they needed "democracy" and "freedom" never realizing it was a cut throat system, where the biggest dog eats the rest, but they were enchanted with those words, never realizing that in America, there was no free medicine, no free hospitals, no free housing, no free education and no free food, except when people had to beg or go to long lines to get soup.
No, no matter what I did, it was never enough for some, but for others, they knew I was the son of Gamal Abdel Nasser, the only true Arab and Muslim leader we’ve had since Salah-al-Deen, when he claimed the Suez Canal for his people, as I claimed Libya, for my people, it was his footsteps I tried to follow, to keep my people free from colonial domination – from thieves who would steal from us.
Now, I am under attack by the biggest force in military history, my little African son, Obama wants to kill me, to take away the freedom of our country, to take away our free housing, our free medicine, our free education, our free food, and replace it with American style thievery, called "capitalism" ,but all of us in the Third World know what that means, it means corporations run the countries, run the world, and the people suffer.
So, there is no alternative for me, I must make my stand, and if Allah wishes, I shall die by following His path, the path that has made our country rich with farmland, with food and health, and even allowed us to help our African and Arab brothers and sisters.
I do not wish to die, but if it comes to that, to save this land, my people, all the thousands who are all my children, then so be it.
Let this testament be my voice to the world, that I stood up to crusader attacks of NATO, stood up to cruelty, stoop up to betrayal, stood up to the West and its colonialist ambitions, and that I stood with my African brothers, my true Arab and Muslim brothers, as a beacon of light.
When others were building castles, I lived in a modest house, and in a tent. I never forgot my youth in Sirte, I did not spend our national treasury foolishly, and like Salah-al-Deen, our great Muslim leader, who rescued Jerusalem for Islam, I took little for myself…
In the West, some have called me "mad", "crazy", but they know the truth yet continue to lie, they know that our land is independent and free, not in the colonial grip, that my vision, my path, is, and has been clear and for my people and that I will fight to my last breath to keep us free, may Allah almighty help us to remain faithful and free".
My brothers and sisters let's start loving more of each other and stop killing each other because Europe America and other western world will never want to see sunshine of Africans.
DJ Chucky G

Sunday, August 10, 2014

SADDEST stories ever told in Hollywood. His name is Sylvestar Stallone...!!!

This is one of the SADDEST stories ever told in Hollywood. His name is Sylvestar Stallone. One of the BIGGEST and Most famous American Movie superstars. Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife's jewellery and sold it. 
Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes,he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to any stranger. He didnt have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold it at $25 only. He says he walked away crying.
Two weeks later,he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie,ROCKY. He wrote the script for 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR. Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.
They said he "Looked funny and talked funny". He left with his script. Afew weeks later,the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie. But NOT him. He said NO. He had to be.
IN THAT MOVIE.
After a while,the studio agreed,gave him $35,000 for the script and let him star in it! The rest is history! The movie won Best Picture,Best Directing and Best Film Editing at the prestigious Oscar Awards. He was even nominated for BEST ACTOR! The Movie ROCKY was even inducted into the American National Film Registry as one of the greatest movies ever!
And do You know the first thing he bought with the $35,000? THE DOG HE SOLD. Yes,Stallone LOVED HIS DOG SO MUCH that he stood at the liquor store for 3 days waiting for the man he sold his dog to. And on the 3rd day,he saw the man coming with the dog. Stallone explained why he sold the dog and begged for the dog back. The man refused. Stallone offered him $100. The man refused. He offered him $500. And the guy refused. Yes,he refused even $1000. And,Believe it or Not,Stallone had to pay $15,000 for the same,same dog he sold at $25 only! And he finally got his dog back!
And today,the same Stallone who slept in the streets and sold his dog JUST BECAUSE he couldn't even feed it anymore,is one of the GREATEST Movie Stars who ever walked the Earth!
Being broke is BAD. Really BAD. Have You ever had a dream? A wonderful dream? But You are too broke to implement it? Too tiny to do it? Too small to accomplish it? Damn! I've been there too many times!
Life is tough. Opportunities will pass you by,just because you are a NOBODY. People will want your products but NOT YOU. Its a tough world. If you aint already famous,or rich or "connected",You will find it rough.
Doors will be shut on You. People will steal your glory and crash your hopes.You will push and push. And yet NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.
And then your hopes will be crashed.You will be broke. Damn broke. You will do odd jobs for survival. You will be unable to feed yourself. And Yes,you may end up sleeping in the streets.
It happens. Yes,it does.
BUT NEVER LET THEM CRUSH THAT DREAM. Whatever happens to
You,Keep Dreaming. Even when they crush your hopes,Keep Dreaming. Even when they turn you away,Keep Dreaming.
Even when they shut you down,Keep Dreaming.
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF EXCEPT YOURSELF! People will judge You by HOW you look. And by WHAT You have.
But please,Fight on! Fight for Your place in history. Fight for your glory. NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
Even if it means selling all your clothes and sleeping with the dogs,ITS OKAY! But AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL ALIVE,Your STORY IS NOT OVER. TRUST ME.
Keep Up the Fight. Keep your dreams and hope alive. Go gerrit.

Share if inspired.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Why I never step in Sabina Joy.....Just another mad Kenyan...Hilarious story I tell you....



If there is anything I fear most in this country its persons of out from Karumaindo. I know some of you are members there. It’s a brothel anyway just like those massage parlours in Nairobi’s leafy suburb estates. Only that at karumaindo there is no niceties and beating around bush about massaging which at last lead to muclimbano.

Sabina Joy is located down town along Moi Avenue street. It is also known as Hall 14 by pupils of Nairobi University. I hear some finish degree when leaving in SJ. Its common to new pupils from upcountry who want to see thurari after drinking cheap liquors downtown and want to climb for less cash.
There you go when you want to climb ,bargain, pay then  ramnya. PERIOD! Either of the places you stand a chance of getting muneck and dying.
Mine is from an ordeal I went through a few years ago that always make my nyees go stomach every time I remember. Here is my story so that next time you want to climb don’t think of karumaindo.
It was around 2009. Those times I run dry of persons to climb. It’s like all persons tell each other to refuse me near their tiita. Everytime I try borrow person they give me many excuse or run away before I reach point of borrowing. Another time I drink pupil of UoN beer and meat of burnt at Magomano Tom Mboya street only for her to refuse go room for me to climb.
This and many others left me desperate for muclimbano although sometimes I go to Sabina Joy and get one shoti for 200 my thirst is not finish.

Those trappers of karumaindo are like of devil. Another day I enter there around 5 a.m morning. I had drunk with another person till 3 am only for them to run away when am so drunk. So devil enter me and I say I can’t go home without climb. I go to karumaindo and spot one. For those who have been there you know trick. First you go to urinal where you meet trappers lined up on the corridor. You keep eye contact and when you spot one you like, close for them one eye and they follow you.

I spotted one and signal her to follow. We stood at a corner and I asked ‘Leo shoti ni ngapi?’. She says 400. I tell her 200. She refuses and I say it’s not soap it will finish. I talk her bad and say am not going home with it. We settle on 300 and 100 is for room. I buy makobosto 50shs and we enter small room and she closed door. First rule when you enter room is to pay. I removed wallet and gave her 300.

I make sure she see am left with 200 in wallet so that she rub thought of stealing from me. Those days trappers there put medicine when you start to ramnya. You sleep till tomorrow and when you hear yourself you have been stolen even clothe of inside (nguo ya ndani ama ngotha).

I try to touch brookie small to warm her and she says ‘matiti ni shakula ya watoto, kama unataka romance ongesa pesa’. I stopped touching touching and remove clothes. This time she had removed all even ‘kamenyereri’ was lying on the floor. She come to touch my josto small and tear makobosto. I asked her if she give blow job and she responded ‘sirabi boro’. I knew my effort had hit stone. I make sure makobosto is rolled on my tree properly.

Moments later she jump on bed and put saliva on  hands. She then start touching tiita small to make it easy to enter. This was followed with ‘fanya haraka kuna raini inje’ statement. All this time my tree was red hot and I was almost pouring with anxiety. I join her in bed and point my josto to her kamonie. I close eyes and waited for warmth that come when one is entering for the first time. But where? My zig zag enter nyweeee like there is no brake. My josto could not feel the walls of her tiita even small.
It was like putting small spoon in a bowl. Am not saying my josto is small but the wideness was way beyond my capacity to feel warmth. It’s like when mechanics of Grogon garage try to put a big nut to a small bolt that has finished teeth. All ndae’s of that hole had finished long time ago.

I opened my eyes to see if I had entered and I see person close her eyes. I assumed that was the biggest zig that had entered her for days. Though on my part I was climbing an ocean. I tried to pump small but  nothing was coming. I removed josto small to see hole properly. Then I enter again and this time round I pump many. The trapper opened her legs 180 degrees for me to enter. She step on the wall with one leg and the other stretched to the other side of the bed.

Those days I used to eat many trappers and was familiar with their trick. First they open for you for about 3 minutes to enjoy climbing for your money. When they see you not pour like fast chicken, they start saying mbuss small small. Then she mix small mbuss with twist of her waist. Or she kuiniria for you small. If you pump for 2 more minutes without pouring she says your money has finished.

I tried to put in head all the pictures of good persons I had seen. I try to imagine I was climbing tiita of our  secretary where I work. She had a nice thutha with thuruare draw on her butt cheeks. She wear tight clothes and her camel toe made me okia small when in office. I had tried to borrow her small but I saw threat of me being rubbed job since mdosi was climbing her big time. I try imagine I was on top of her but nothing could make me pour.

Beer is of devil and all those we who drink will go to satan. I start imagining I was climbing that pupil of university who disappeared from me. I try to turn her for doggie style but she refused an said ‘mastailo pelekea bibi’. Trappers her way of making a man remove money. She told me ‘ongesa mbao nitingise kidogo’. I say I add 50 bob and she shake for me when am ramnyaring.

True to her words she tingisa and I feel good. Then she stop and tell me ‘ongesa mia nipige nduru wasikie wewe no jogoo’. I say I add her 50 bob again.This time I hear trapper start to say mbuus many.’vura vura biu vura biu giitii na mavindi’ ( translated-beat it beat it like it has no bones) then mbuss uuuh uuh aaah aaahh mmmm mami mami. That made me tighten my balls and I pour first joti.

The  trapper lay for few seconds and told me to remove josto slowly to prevent makobosto bursting. Me and my fear of muneck I remove slowly and make sure condom had not bursted. Then I roll my josto with tissue and remove makobosto. Person stand up step with one leg on the floor and the other leg step on bed and clean her tiita with tissue.

I pull up my trousers and put back my jacket ready to leave room. She told me to wait for her to wear clothes and after she finish she say we leave. The killer was when she told me ‘kama ni tamu elesa rafiki umlete kesho aonje asari’
I stepped on the corridor and felt my knees weakened from the one joti I had poured. I think its because I was too drunk or I had forced myself to pour which is unlike me. I say I urinate before I leave karumaindo so that I go home. Just when I was about to enter urinal I saw the shock of my life. This one made me refuse to go back again to eat trappers from that day. There infront of me was, my uncle bargaining with the trapper I had just climbed.
I stood for about 3 seconds still shocked and wondering what to do. Even before I could turn and hide he tapped my shoulder and told me ‘ii nimaitho ndaira kana uyu ti muriu wakwa Theuri? Kai onawe ukaga guku wauma kiarafu kunywa?‘ (Is me lost eye or did I see Theuri? Even you pass here after drunk?) I did not know what to say. Before I could give him my reason of being there he added ‘rekenjarie na momo ino, irenda Magana matatu na ndina igana rimwe. Maraya Maguire bei.Twihamwe muno wee.’ (Let me bargain with this trapper, she wants 300 and me have 100. Trappers are cheap. We meet tomorrow) then he followed that person of out.
I felt relieved and urine disappear. I enter urinal and try to force myself to remove small but out of tension nothing was coming out. I stood there till people tell me to leave I stay too much and they want to use urinal. I made up my mind to go and refuse uncle to climb. I look for him all place but he was nowhere. So I ask watchman if he seen him go upstairs to room. He say yes and I tell him we are together.
He allow me to go upstairs. I meet him standing at stairs bargaining with the trapper I had just climbed. He was standing holding her close to chest. He had lifted her skirt to waist and his hand was inserted in her thuruari. I could tell he had inserted one finger and trapper was liking it. She was also stroking his josto in trouser small which told me my uncle was not stranger  there.
I tip toed towards them and I hear her accuse my uncle of climbing many times without paying her. He was pleading for one joti and salary was near so he would pay her soon. When person see me she hide her face . This sent signal to my uncle that they were not new to each other.  I ask him if he was ok because I wanted us to go home. He say every man come on his own and I mind my business. I left them and back I hear trapper whisper to him that I climb her once that night.
That was the last day I ate trappers of karumaindo. I said bad is bad but I will not eat same hole with my uncle or family member especially if it’s for trappers. Although am not sure if he still go there but anytime we meet he tell me ‘wee wingui muno, ndikariganirwo ni wariire mumaraya wakwa wee. No ndithuemukonyo’ (you is dog. You climb my trapper. I can scratcth my mokonyo for you)
Whats your experience with trappers of Nairobi. tell us your story.
Yours truly

Theuri.

Monday, August 4, 2014

STATEHOUSE PLOTTED TO PREVENT DIKEMBE SCHEDULED MEETING WITH PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!!!

By Pedro Tish, PhD

The Cord fraternity is excited that Dikembe Dikembe is out after languishing in the jails. And its official from higher up in the movement, that this poster- child of Kenya’s Left wing stumping is now Jubilee first political prisoner.

Last weekend was not a pleasant one, as the entire community of lovers of freedom waited in bated breath for the release of Dikembe Disembe- the wielder of the “chaliced pen” that poisons the hearts of Jubilee fans.
And dont be fooled, it’s not because of hate speech, its because of inferiority complex wrought by a feeling of insufficiency and intellectual dwarf-hood when Dikembe’s superior logical arguments are measured against the shallow minded right wing bloggers some of them state appointees whose quotation of a book in response to George Kegoro’s Sunday Nation article was a 1990s form 4 set book Government Inspector, by Nikolai Gogol. That’s how far he gets.


Frustrated we must have been, distraught we must have felt, demoralized we must have gotten, disturbed we must have felt as we watched the justice system sink deeper into the deepest pits and most hateful forms of Jim Crow types of expression of despair and anger towards a promising young man in his early 20s. A reasonable and unprejudiced person would never impose a 5 million bail on an unemployed student. Bail is supposed to be a deterrent and disincentive to skip court dates, not a punishment. 5 million is a punishment on a person who is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

So defeated they must feel, so ashamed they must be because in the reform movement they just built a battle-hardened soldier, who came out of that jail unbowed, and was quoted by The Star as having vowed to not be derailed by the Jubilee government’s obstructionist and distractions agenda. But what they should be warned is that “when the light of God shines upon you, nothing raised against you can prosper”. Dikembe will thrive. For God knows what the truth is. God knows that Dikembe writes for the oppressed for whom Jesus said, “Happy are the oppressed, for they…..”

Never before have I encountered an ideologically suave and sound man, who at a tender age has enquired deeper into his inner conscience and consulted scrolls of writings, and arrived at an understanding of where he wants to go, and is also a very staunch patriot with a crystal clear conviction about where he wants to influence his beloved nation and generation to go.

Dikembe, the youth of substance, has already carved himself a niche among the few who have been detained and slammed with “trumped up” charges. However, as was evident with Nelson Mandela, “what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger”.

As they detained him, he trended, and his detractors took his platform mainstream as all media houses developed an interest in this upcoming leftwing superstar.

The stint in detention will be a hot topic of his memoir if he chooses to reveal his mistreatments as a guest of the state at that “detention camp” at Industrial area. Questions that only Dikembe can narrate, but might not at this time for fear of reprisals, still linger in our minds.

Questions like, was Dikembe tortured? Was he held in solitary confinement? Was he waterboarded? Was he frogmarched? A memoir can answer all these questions. And nobody doubts that a memoir by this left wing media sensation can be a best-seller.

Dikembe was targeted and his court date set just a few days before he was scheduled to meet US President Barack Obama at Washington DC. That's sabotage. The hate speech accusations were part of slander and sabotage by a system that is increasingly becoming paranoid as ICC tightens it's noose on its 2 notorious ICC inductees currently facing charges of murder, rape, deportation and financing of a terror network that caused the death of 1300 Kenyans and massive destruction of property.

Dikembe was recently part of an African most promising leaders’ delegation invited to wine and dine with Obama as part of the Young African Leader’s Initiative(YALI). Jubilee’s own spiritual ancestor Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi was to later be enlisted to complain about the intentions of White House in grooming this crop of young and upcoming leaders like Dikembe, who Obama believes are the cream of their generation and are the core of his agenda in stimulating the knowledge-based transformation of the African continent.
The idea of Dikembe meeting the leader of the free world- the paranoid Jubilee was so scared to handle- and trumped up charges had to quickly be instituted against him. Dikembe had for a second time in a row qualified to be among a select few of the who’s who among the African under 29s who have made a mark in leadership. Folks whom the White House is convinced hold the torch to Africa's future.

After looking at their profiles, President Obama believes that if he can mentor Dikembe and his YAKO fellows, then he can’t go wrong in his dream for a free, just and liberated Africa. Dikembe and his ilk are folks that will steer Africa towards attaining its potential in the 21st Century.

Dikembe is also not your Jubilee type of an average blogger whose only book quotations in response to George Kegoro was a late 90s Form 4 set book Government Inspector. My review of Dikembe opinion pieces be they on his FB Timeline or on this free platform where I understand he does pro Bono gives me an impression of a man who is widely read in the real books- the classics. Kenyans retrogressive right is and has reason to be jittery of a person whose library seem to boast classics like Plato’s Republic, Aristotle’s Metaphysics, Kant’s The Critique of Pure Reason, Metaphysics of Morals, and of course Nichols Machiavelli’s Discourses on Levi, The Prince and the Art of War. Dikembe’s booklist of the Classics can go on and on to the chagrin of the Establishment.

At a tender age, Dikembe has not only earned the right to wine and dine with Kings, but has also read it all and he had to be targeted. The bureaucrats don’t want you to read those kind of books in Dikembe’s library! Infact these are not books that you can buy in Harare, Beijing or Moscow. They are only a preserve of the autocratic rulers in their countries. They put you well ahead of your generation. No wonder Dikembe is setting the agenda for his peers. Dikembe is surely a once in a lifetime personality. A man on a redemptive mission. A brave man who has set himself apart. A mwanaume.

PS: Lovers of Freedom and Progress must stand with this man materially and emotionally as he wards of fun these “trumped-up” and slanderous accusations in this moral Law-Fare that will be fought in the courts.
Please visit https://fundly.com/dikembe-disembe- fundraiser and contribute towards building a warchest for this Law-Fare. Your 10, 20, 30, 100 dollar contributions can make a difference. Lets join together in warding off this wanton assault on speech freedoms that we all so cherish.


Pedro Tish, PhD is the President of Center for Political Analysis and Research.

Kaboom!!! Shocking!!! AHMEDNASIR wants Muturi OUT as Speaker! Kenya is doomed with him on the wheel!!!



Via nation.co.ke By AHMEDNASIR ABDULLAHI

When Lewis Hamilton, the British Formula 1 driver, suffered a series of misfortunes in this season’s races starting with the Monaco one, he said his misfortunes were more than just mere bad luck.
He subtly made the point that none of the accidents were attributable to his personal slip-ups. He didn’t say it but everyone knew that his finger pointed towards the higher echelons of Team Mercedes.
The misfortunes, the bad press and poor performance of the Jubilee government is not just because of bad luck and the push by a re-energised opposition.
The Uhuru Administration is not firing in all the cylinders as was projected. It is not as visionary as prayed. It is not focused and disciplined.
In the past 12 months, it has fought unnecessary wars. It has made unnecessary political enemies. It squandered many golden opportunities. And it chose the wrong priorities. All these are the least of the problems it faces.
Many Kenyans want to give the government more time. They appreciate that the learning curve for the Uhuru Administration has fairly been steep.
Uhuru’s biggest and most potent enemy is not the Opposition, the Judiciary, the civil society or Western embassies and their governments. The biggest and most lethal enemy that faces Uhuru and his government comes from Parliament under the pitiful leadership of Speaker Justin Muturi.
The government’s misfortunes are the sole creation of the new face of impunity, the Speaker of Parliament. His tenure as Speaker has been a calamitous and sacrilegious defilement of the Constitution. He has, in a mere 12 months, reduced the august House into a smouldering rubble of parliamentary tomfoolery. In a single year, he has made Parliament a rogue institution unaccountable to anyone.
He tried to destroy the Judiciary and routinely passes legislation that flouts the Constitution, all with a view to destroying devolution. He allows just a few pre-selected and pre-screened MPs on the government’s side to contribute to debate. He has silenced the Opposition.
Never has a Kenyan parliament been led by a more inept, incompetent, dull, unknowledgeable and ignorant Speaker. This is the result you get when greatness is forced on a political dwarf.
OUT OF HIS DEPTH
The burden on his shoulders makes his knees crack and give in and, as he tumbles and sinks, he will take many with him. Muturi has all the shortcomings of a man out of his depth clowning on a national stage with the Kenyan population watching in utter bewilderment.
It is not his dismissal of court orders as nonsense and idiotic that will cause the country lasting damage. It is not his dismissal of the Supreme Court’s advisory opinion as worthless that should concern Kenyans.
The Judiciary can be trusted to look after its turf and the interests of Kenyans. What should frighten Kenyans are two virulent shortcomings of the Speaker. Whether it is due to political haughtiness or deficiencies in his training as a lawyer, Muturi has a penchant for breaching the Constitution.
The House has passed countless statutes and amendments that are blatantly unconstitutional. Most of these unconstitutional amendments are designed to undermine devolution and county governments.
Playing the role of a partisan Speaker, Muturi is a hired gun in the hands of those who seek to undermine governors and county governments. He bestows -- through unconstitutional amendments -- powers, privileges and honours on Members of Parliament, Senators and the national government all with the sole intention of undermining devolution.
The second lethal shortcoming is that he is a political activist passing off as a neutral Speaker of Parliament. Even his demeanour in the Chair is repulsive.
He shrieks, shrills and hisses when giving orders. His rulings on matters of law and politics from the Chair are superficial and pedestrian. His grasp of law and parliamentary procedure are at best laughable.
But it is his partisan and small-minded moderation of parliamentary debates that should alarm Kenyans. Parliament will either shut or suffer mass boycott if Muturi is not replaced as a matter of national priority. He stifles debate.
He defines and delimits the tenor and contours of debates. He ignores the Opposition. Parliament is an empty shell!