Saturday, August 9, 2014

Why I never step in Sabina Joy.....Just another mad Kenyan...Hilarious story I tell you....



If there is anything I fear most in this country its persons of out from Karumaindo. I know some of you are members there. It’s a brothel anyway just like those massage parlours in Nairobi’s leafy suburb estates. Only that at karumaindo there is no niceties and beating around bush about massaging which at last lead to muclimbano.

Sabina Joy is located down town along Moi Avenue street. It is also known as Hall 14 by pupils of Nairobi University. I hear some finish degree when leaving in SJ. Its common to new pupils from upcountry who want to see thurari after drinking cheap liquors downtown and want to climb for less cash.
There you go when you want to climb ,bargain, pay then  ramnya. PERIOD! Either of the places you stand a chance of getting muneck and dying.
Mine is from an ordeal I went through a few years ago that always make my nyees go stomach every time I remember. Here is my story so that next time you want to climb don’t think of karumaindo.
It was around 2009. Those times I run dry of persons to climb. It’s like all persons tell each other to refuse me near their tiita. Everytime I try borrow person they give me many excuse or run away before I reach point of borrowing. Another time I drink pupil of UoN beer and meat of burnt at Magomano Tom Mboya street only for her to refuse go room for me to climb.
This and many others left me desperate for muclimbano although sometimes I go to Sabina Joy and get one shoti for 200 my thirst is not finish.

Those trappers of karumaindo are like of devil. Another day I enter there around 5 a.m morning. I had drunk with another person till 3 am only for them to run away when am so drunk. So devil enter me and I say I can’t go home without climb. I go to karumaindo and spot one. For those who have been there you know trick. First you go to urinal where you meet trappers lined up on the corridor. You keep eye contact and when you spot one you like, close for them one eye and they follow you.

I spotted one and signal her to follow. We stood at a corner and I asked ‘Leo shoti ni ngapi?’. She says 400. I tell her 200. She refuses and I say it’s not soap it will finish. I talk her bad and say am not going home with it. We settle on 300 and 100 is for room. I buy makobosto 50shs and we enter small room and she closed door. First rule when you enter room is to pay. I removed wallet and gave her 300.

I make sure she see am left with 200 in wallet so that she rub thought of stealing from me. Those days trappers there put medicine when you start to ramnya. You sleep till tomorrow and when you hear yourself you have been stolen even clothe of inside (nguo ya ndani ama ngotha).

I try to touch brookie small to warm her and she says ‘matiti ni shakula ya watoto, kama unataka romance ongesa pesa’. I stopped touching touching and remove clothes. This time she had removed all even ‘kamenyereri’ was lying on the floor. She come to touch my josto small and tear makobosto. I asked her if she give blow job and she responded ‘sirabi boro’. I knew my effort had hit stone. I make sure makobosto is rolled on my tree properly.

Moments later she jump on bed and put saliva on  hands. She then start touching tiita small to make it easy to enter. This was followed with ‘fanya haraka kuna raini inje’ statement. All this time my tree was red hot and I was almost pouring with anxiety. I join her in bed and point my josto to her kamonie. I close eyes and waited for warmth that come when one is entering for the first time. But where? My zig zag enter nyweeee like there is no brake. My josto could not feel the walls of her tiita even small.
It was like putting small spoon in a bowl. Am not saying my josto is small but the wideness was way beyond my capacity to feel warmth. It’s like when mechanics of Grogon garage try to put a big nut to a small bolt that has finished teeth. All ndae’s of that hole had finished long time ago.

I opened my eyes to see if I had entered and I see person close her eyes. I assumed that was the biggest zig that had entered her for days. Though on my part I was climbing an ocean. I tried to pump small but  nothing was coming. I removed josto small to see hole properly. Then I enter again and this time round I pump many. The trapper opened her legs 180 degrees for me to enter. She step on the wall with one leg and the other stretched to the other side of the bed.

Those days I used to eat many trappers and was familiar with their trick. First they open for you for about 3 minutes to enjoy climbing for your money. When they see you not pour like fast chicken, they start saying mbuss small small. Then she mix small mbuss with twist of her waist. Or she kuiniria for you small. If you pump for 2 more minutes without pouring she says your money has finished.

I tried to put in head all the pictures of good persons I had seen. I try to imagine I was climbing tiita of our  secretary where I work. She had a nice thutha with thuruare draw on her butt cheeks. She wear tight clothes and her camel toe made me okia small when in office. I had tried to borrow her small but I saw threat of me being rubbed job since mdosi was climbing her big time. I try imagine I was on top of her but nothing could make me pour.

Beer is of devil and all those we who drink will go to satan. I start imagining I was climbing that pupil of university who disappeared from me. I try to turn her for doggie style but she refused an said ‘mastailo pelekea bibi’. Trappers her way of making a man remove money. She told me ‘ongesa mbao nitingise kidogo’. I say I add 50 bob and she shake for me when am ramnyaring.

True to her words she tingisa and I feel good. Then she stop and tell me ‘ongesa mia nipige nduru wasikie wewe no jogoo’. I say I add her 50 bob again.This time I hear trapper start to say mbuus many.’vura vura biu vura biu giitii na mavindi’ ( translated-beat it beat it like it has no bones) then mbuss uuuh uuh aaah aaahh mmmm mami mami. That made me tighten my balls and I pour first joti.

The  trapper lay for few seconds and told me to remove josto slowly to prevent makobosto bursting. Me and my fear of muneck I remove slowly and make sure condom had not bursted. Then I roll my josto with tissue and remove makobosto. Person stand up step with one leg on the floor and the other leg step on bed and clean her tiita with tissue.

I pull up my trousers and put back my jacket ready to leave room. She told me to wait for her to wear clothes and after she finish she say we leave. The killer was when she told me ‘kama ni tamu elesa rafiki umlete kesho aonje asari’
I stepped on the corridor and felt my knees weakened from the one joti I had poured. I think its because I was too drunk or I had forced myself to pour which is unlike me. I say I urinate before I leave karumaindo so that I go home. Just when I was about to enter urinal I saw the shock of my life. This one made me refuse to go back again to eat trappers from that day. There infront of me was, my uncle bargaining with the trapper I had just climbed.
I stood for about 3 seconds still shocked and wondering what to do. Even before I could turn and hide he tapped my shoulder and told me ‘ii nimaitho ndaira kana uyu ti muriu wakwa Theuri? Kai onawe ukaga guku wauma kiarafu kunywa?‘ (Is me lost eye or did I see Theuri? Even you pass here after drunk?) I did not know what to say. Before I could give him my reason of being there he added ‘rekenjarie na momo ino, irenda Magana matatu na ndina igana rimwe. Maraya Maguire bei.Twihamwe muno wee.’ (Let me bargain with this trapper, she wants 300 and me have 100. Trappers are cheap. We meet tomorrow) then he followed that person of out.
I felt relieved and urine disappear. I enter urinal and try to force myself to remove small but out of tension nothing was coming out. I stood there till people tell me to leave I stay too much and they want to use urinal. I made up my mind to go and refuse uncle to climb. I look for him all place but he was nowhere. So I ask watchman if he seen him go upstairs to room. He say yes and I tell him we are together.
He allow me to go upstairs. I meet him standing at stairs bargaining with the trapper I had just climbed. He was standing holding her close to chest. He had lifted her skirt to waist and his hand was inserted in her thuruari. I could tell he had inserted one finger and trapper was liking it. She was also stroking his josto in trouser small which told me my uncle was not stranger  there.
I tip toed towards them and I hear her accuse my uncle of climbing many times without paying her. He was pleading for one joti and salary was near so he would pay her soon. When person see me she hide her face . This sent signal to my uncle that they were not new to each other.  I ask him if he was ok because I wanted us to go home. He say every man come on his own and I mind my business. I left them and back I hear trapper whisper to him that I climb her once that night.
That was the last day I ate trappers of karumaindo. I said bad is bad but I will not eat same hole with my uncle or family member especially if it’s for trappers. Although am not sure if he still go there but anytime we meet he tell me ‘wee wingui muno, ndikariganirwo ni wariire mumaraya wakwa wee. No ndithuemukonyo’ (you is dog. You climb my trapper. I can scratcth my mokonyo for you)
Whats your experience with trappers of Nairobi. tell us your story.
Yours truly

Theuri.

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