Some people open up their mouths to talk and all they say is something that depresses you forever. Below are some of the issues that rub people the wrong way...
Weight
Cynthia was having fun at a party until an old friend told her: “You have
become fat!” She froze. The rest of the evening was miserable for her. All the
time she thought of how unattractive she was.
For some reason, women are
always battling with weight. So if you come up to her and say she has become
fat, it sounds rude. Mary Kyolaba, a social worker in Kampala, says it is one
way of telling someone that they are unattractive.
“In case you want to comment about her appearance, find something good to say
to her, instead of commenting on her weight,” Kyolaba says.
Dora Lumbita, a counsellor, agrees: “When you talk about weight, you make
someone uncomfortable. And if they are teenagers, they might starve themselves
to achieve the ‘socially acceptable’ size, which is not good,” she says.
Lumbita says it is always best to comment about how good looking they are and
keep the other comments.
“If you want to draw attention to their weight, you can indirectly ask them to
join you for a fitness routine without directly commenting about their weight,”
she says.
Hair
Hair is a woman’s glory. There are women who have tried their best to grow
their hair, but it is still of poor quality. It is not right to comment about
their stunted hair because they already know it, anyway.
Or maybe, assuming she spent a
whole day in the salon to look good “for you”, she turns up with new braids or
a weave and all you do is comment about how ugly she looks!
“You would rather wait until she has undone it to comment about it, so that
next time she knows what hairstyle to avoid. Women spend hefty sums of money to
look good. So if you have nothing positive to say, just keep quiet,” Kisakye
says.
Age
This is for both men and women. Hiding age used to be a woman’s affair. But
lately, more men are self-conscious about their age. At a certain point in
life, they do not want to be told that they are old and they do everything to
change their appearance, including dyeing their grey hair.
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| Age reader...!!! |
They would prefer that you call
them young so that they can feel youthful. Likewise, most women are not
comfortable when asked about their age.
“The shocked look people get when you tell them you are over 30 is unpleasant,”
one woman says.
Marriage and children
“You are so beautiful, but why are you still single? When are you getting
married?” These are some of the common questions society asks both men and
women.
OK, being beautiful does not mean that a woman has to have a fiancé. There are
a whole range of factors. And sometimes, it is about choice. When the right
time comes, she will choose the right partner and get married.
By the time you ask why she is
not married, remember she has likely been bombarded by insults from relatives
and family members.
Yet it is not just singles that suffer the brunt of this question. Married
people are always under pressure to have children.
“When are you giving us the good news?” someone will ask when your wife takes
long to conceive. Both men and women hate this question. Who knows, the couple
might be going through a tough period.
Pregnancy
You are heavily pregnant and someone remarks: “Oh, you are too full already.
Are you going to have lunch?” Or something like: “Who did that to you?” It
sucks!
Things
men hate to hear . . .
Height
A woman might cover up her short height with high heels, but not a man. So if
you already know he is short, why throw it in his face?
“If a woman commented on my height, I would know she is despising me,” George
Isaac Musoke, a lecturer, says. So
whether it is your boss, friend, brother or husband, if you want to stay in
peace with them do not mention anything concerning their height.
Performance in bed
Has anyone read the health pages lately? Many questions from male
readers centre on manhood and sexuality. One way you can send your man to hell,
according to Martin Osudo, a businessman, is by commenting about his bad
performance in bed.
“Men do not want to be told that they cannot satisfy a woman sexually,” he
says. So, they will look for someone who will appreciate them the way they are.
Their
“wallet”
Men always want to be on top and come off as having the financial muscle. Tell
a man that he is as broke as a church mouse and he will hate you forever.
Talking about your ex
Just like women, men do not like it when their wives heap praises on their past
lovers. Men do not want to hear about women’s ex-lovers.
“Even if there is some kind of conversation, try to ignore it. I consider you
as a fresh lover. Why do you have to talk about your past lover? “I admired you
because of the way you are, why bring up your past life?” Musoke says.
Nagging
He probably went for a night out with friends and you are mad at him. In actual
sense, he might have gone binge drinking with friends, and did not even have
another woman with him. In your mind, you are convinced he is cheating on you.
He tries to offer you an
explanation, but you go on shouting at the top of your voice. Men hate nagging.
If you go on complaining over nothing, he could just as well disappear from
home for a week or so.
*****************
EXPERT
OPINION
Patrick Mwase, a lecturer and psychologist, says
sometimes people do not say things out of the blue.
“Usually, there are issues
behind the debate. In most cases, this person knows you very well. Or you have
done something to them before that hurt them, and the only way to revenge is
pass a comment that they know will rub you the wrong way,” he says.
“Someone wants to check one’s ego because they think it is an easier way to
disempower them,” Mwase notes.
He, however, says this in the end affects someone’s self-esteem. “Imagine being
told that you are old, yet you are trying your best to look young! It is
terrible,” Mwase says.
What should be done?
Mwase says, ideally, people should focus on their strongest points. “If you
only receive compliments, you should be worried. You should always be prepared
to ignore such remarks. Do not pay much attention to them,” he says.
But some people may mean well, especially if it is something you can change.
Still, the manner in which they comment matters. “If a friend calls you aside
and says: ‘Please I think you are putting on weight, let us work together and
manage the weight’, they mean well. Sometimes you need a little check to keep
on track.”
Mwase says respect is important in any relationship. “One should desist from
provoking the other, without taking effort to appreciate and understand their
likes and dislikes.
“Choose language that shows respect — if you use insensitive language; it is an
attack on them,” he says.
More so, if you want to avoid blunders, Mwase advises you not to be specific.
Just generalise things so that you can avoid that hostility, argument and
confrontation
Adapted from New Vision
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